got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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