dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
