Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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