I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Randomize
