found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
