you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
