either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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