oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
