he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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