You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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