why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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