Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
