i wish starbucks made bloody marys
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
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