get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
