I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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