Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
