The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
