Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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