Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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