Cold hands, warm shart.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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