quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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