Bisexual people are plain selfish.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
