I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
