Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
