I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize