She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
