How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
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