Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
