I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
and she was petting her beer can
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
