College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
My liver just had a heart attack.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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