Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Come share oat with me in your robe
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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