she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
he was CRYING into my vagina
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
