Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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