I'm eating all of the evidence.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
