goodnight i made you a song goodbye
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
