areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
