i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
