The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize