i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
