i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
