Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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