I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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