its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
