What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
