There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
