somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
