I hate all girls vehemently.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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