I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
