I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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