remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
