I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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