fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
