They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
bring money and cleavage
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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