so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
