I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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