That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
