help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
My liver just had a heart attack.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
