You can't motorboat a personality
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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