At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
