A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
