I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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