There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Randomize
