Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
