Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
