I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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