Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
