hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
